Rejected Articles About Those Museum of the Bible Papyri

Dirk Obbink's Alleged Thefts Are A Sensitive Subject That Should Be Treated Carefully And With All Due Respect. Wink.

(image: altered version of “The Ten Commandments,” 1907)

The academy has been rocked by the allegations that renowned Oxford papyrologist Dirk Obbink may have stolen ancient biblical papyri from the collection he was in charge of protecting, destroyed all evidence said papyri had ever existed, and then sold them to Hobby Lobby’s “Museum* of the Bible.” (*it’s not one though). Obbink’s alleged crimes have far-reaching consequences for not only biblical studies, but also for the study of the ancient poet Sappho, given that the provenance of new Sappho fragments Obbink allegedly may or may not have found scrawled on the back of a Cheddar’s menu may now be subject to greater scrutiny. Allegedly.

This is a story that touches on many broader issues that plague classics and related fields: including colonialism, professional abuse, privilege, and issues of access. In fact, the gravity of this situation is why we didn’t include a humor article in our special issue about the thefts — a first for Eidolon. The fact that Obbink (allegedly) threw propriety out the window doesn’t mean we should follow suit; which is why we rejected the following proposed articles:

New Fragment of Sappho Reveals She Was Actually An Alien (Still Definitely A Lesbian, Though)

Oxford Announces Committee To Decide Whether Or Not A Committee Should Be Formed To Investigate The Validity Of Claims Made Against Respected Tenured Professor

Recovery Of Stolen Bible Fragments Reveals They Were Kinda Boring Anyway

Disgraced Papyrologist Discloses Discovery Of “9 Commandments” Papyrus

“Can I Steal This?” A Flowchart

In Dirk Obbink’s Defense, Those Papyri Were Already Stolen Property

Oxford Prof. “May Have Been Insensitive To The Feelings” Of Papyri

“You Can’t Steal Anything These Days!”—White People Everywhere

“Friends Of Dirk” Start GoFundMe Because He Was Nice To Them Personally

The Real Crime Is What Won’t Happen To Obbink’s Career

Things It’s Bad To Steal From Work, Ranked By How Many Good Place Points They Cost You

A Classics Professor Allegedly Stole Papyri, Destroyed All Evidence Of Their Existence, And Sold Them To The Museum Of The Bible, But, Sure, Saying Nazis Suck Is What’s Killing The Field

Sarah Scullin has nothing but the utmost respect for the papyri’s feelings.