Greek Gods and Goddesses Order at Starbucks

Aphrodite: Passion tango iced tea. Actually, hot.

Apollo: Tall black coffee, no room. Immediately walks over to the condiment bar, pours out half the coffee into the trash, fills cup with half-and-half, three Splendas, and twelve shakes of chocolate powder.

Athena: Grande latte.

Demeter: Tall almondmilk honey flat white. With almondmilk, not dairy. Only patronizes Starbucks Reserve (TM) locations, since she only drinks single-origin. Actually, can you do oat milk instead? And do you have agave instead of honey? Thanks so much. I brought my own mug, thanks. Oh, could you just pour the extra in here, too? Don’t want it to go to waste, haha! So this is vegan, right?

Poseidon: Venti green tea lemonade, extra shaken.

Artemis: Grande strawberry açaí refresher with a strawless lid.

Dionysus: makers Mark, straight. what? oh oh, cofee, ok yeah no I love that! love that. best thing for a hangoer amirite!!! so do u have like a menu….? oh on my phone? oh my phone died hours ago…you know wat i’ll take a white russian. i havent had kahlua since undergradlol. LIVE A LITTLE.

Hades: Quad espresso, extra hot. If you could put a rush on it, that’d be great; I feel like death. And a pomegranate iced tea, to go.

Hera: Grande skim no-whip five-pump caramel frappuccino. Is that ready yet? Yeah hi! Hi, I’m just checking on my grande frap? NO WHIP. Great thank—oh, excuse me? Excuse me. EXCUSE ME!!! I asked for five pumps of caramel. This doesn’t have five pumps in it. Yeah, I know it SAYS five pumps on the label, I can read, lady. There aren’t five pumps in it. I’m sure. I’M SURE, do I look like an idiot to you? You know, I order this drink EVERY DAY, and I’ve never had this problem before. Can you just add the pumps? Yeah, just go ahead and add those. Maybe if the people around here could LEARN HOW TO MAKE A COFFEE, then we WOUDLN’T have to wait this long! Hah! Just imagine. Hooo boy, I will be leaving a review for you!

Hestia: Always brings her coffee from home.

Zeus: Venti dragon drink, extra whip, with a strawberry drizzle. And a birthday cake pop.

Hermes: Hi, yes, I’m going to need two travelers please. Let’s do one Blonde Roast and one Pike Place. And then, I’m going to have a long drink order here, are you ready? Ok so in a beverage carrier I need four things. One quad espresso extra ho—actually let’s just make that a single espresso, kids’ temperature. One grande skim no-whip two-pump caramel frappuccino. One tall blonde roast with lots of room for milk. And a…oh god I’m—I’m so sorry about this. I apologize. One tall almondmilk honey flat white, sub oat milk, sub agave, with the Sun-dried Ethiopia Yirgacheffe Chelelektu Clover Starbucks Reserve, do you have that in stock? Y—you do? Oh, great, thank you so much, I’m so sorry, I’m really just sorry about everything. Yes, that’ll be to go. Sorry.

Tori Lee drinks a venti Mango Dragonfruit Refresher with no lemonade. Make of that what you will.