Article Drafts as Mythological Creatures

Centaur: Starts out with one argument and then abruptly shifts into a different one.

Cyclops: The writer has a truly singular point of view.

Hydra: A draft with so many different problems—you don’t even know where to begin. Every time the writer addresses one issue, more pop up in its place.

Minotaur: You can’t tell where the writer is going with this.

Nemean Lion: The writing is so dense that it’s impenetrable.

Phoenix: Reborn from the ashes of a conference paper.

Scylla and Charybdis: Damned if you accept, damned if you reject. Probably by a famous person who can’t write.

Sirens: Draws you in with beautiful prose, then destroys you.

Sphinx: The writer keeps asking questions instead of answering them.

Trojan Horse (a, uh, “mythological creature”): An awful draft that got through on the basis of a great pitch.

Unicorn: Needs zero edits.

Chimera: What the fuck is this? Nobody knows.