A 10-Step Skincare Routine for PhD Students
This daily ritual will help you achieve that dewy look that says "Maybe she's born with it...maybe she just cried at the DGS!"
Oil cleanse
To remove accumulated dirt and grime from the day, built up when you kept burying your face in your hands in despair. Stop touching your face! This step also removes makeup, which you wear so no one asks if you’re feeling ill because you look terrible. Effective on waterproof mascara; regular mascara already gone at this point in the day either from rubbing eyes, crying, or some combination of the two.
Foam cleanse
Cleanse your face again. Maybe again? Maybe forever, and you will be purified. Maybe you can just stay here, hiding in the foam like Aphrodite.
Exfoliate
Do this only 1-2x per week, as needed. For oily or acne-prone skin, 3x per week. Wasn’t acne supposed to stop after puberty? Physical exfoliants are good for blackheads, blemishes, overactive t-zone, paying penance for not writing today, feeling the pain of those little grainy microbeads as your scrub. your. non. writing. cheeks. For sensitive skin that can’t handle criticism, a chemical exfoliant is recommended.
Toner
What is this? It doesn’t feel like it’s doing anything? What does it do, anyway? What do I do, anyway? What am I doing???
Essence
Preps skin to absorb the vitamins and nutrients from serum and moisturizer. Kind of like signposting, but for your face. Like when you say “In this paper, I will show that…” and then your audience is prepped to absorb your persuasive argument, but someone asks a question that’s actually just him telling you that you mistranslated a Greek participle, but it’s tithēmi, come ON, can’t we just all agree to cut everyone a break on -mi verbs?
Serum
Choose a serum specific to your skincare concerns. To add radiance to a once-lustrous-but-now-inexplicably-dull soul, vitamin C is a game changer. For added moisture after the dehumidifier in the manuscript room has sucked away every last drop of water from your withered shell of a body, hyaluronic acid can give you that much-needed boost. Let this absorb before continuing.
Sheet mask
Costs $3 and can actually reverse aging back to the beginning of your PhD program, so you can avoid all your shitty mistakes.
Eye cream
For the delicate skin of the under-eye area, one should take special care. This will cost $75, but could save you $8 on drugstore concealer that you will probably buy anyway last minute before your interview in a vain attempt to cover the dark, dark circles of hell beneath your eyes, but in your rush, you’ll buy the wrong color, and Walgreen’s won’t give you a refund since you already opened it, so you use it anyway and tell yourself it’ll be fine but it doesn’t match your skin tone at ALL so you end up looking like an aye-aye with terrifying lasers for pupils and white around your eyes like an aging dog.
Moisturizer
I give up
Night cream/SPF
For nighttime, add a layer of a thicker night cream to allow the skin, and the ego, to recover during sleep. For daytime, a moisturizer with SPF will protect you from UVA/UVB rays for the brief moments when you dart between the department and the library, because who can afford visits to the dermatologist to check for melanoma? Who needs makeup? Let your beautiful, healthy skin shine!
Tori Lee would love to provide you with product recommendations if you’re thinking of adopting a new skincare routine yourself! She has received no commission for this post.